Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
