That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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