You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
