I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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