We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
