he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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