great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
