Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am available for nakedness
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
