The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
