Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
