He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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