My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
