Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
