ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Where is the hickey?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
