Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
