Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
