you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
