Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
handjob tips. give me some.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
