awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
