Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
