So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
