Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
