I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
