Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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