Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
