i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My life is pants optional.
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