My friends, they love my intelligence
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
