The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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