connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My vagina just clenched in fear
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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