there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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