I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
