i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
