Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
