I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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