Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
