i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
