then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
