just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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