that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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