and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
