Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
