i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
