Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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