turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
