11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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