you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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