I bet he comes in French.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
