Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
time to smoke my breakfast
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
