she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
