Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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